The MuseBishounen War
by kinneas
Summary: LMAO I WROTE THIS WHEN I WAS 13 DON'T READ THIS SCHLOCK.
1. The beginning...

(A/N: This started when I decided I wanted all the muses for myself, so I simply captured them all in my LiveJournal. Then my friends/fellow authors retaliated in theirs and comments. These are ripped straight from the LJ's and IM conversations between us.)  
  
  
  
  
Kinneas: Vincent, I need help. Can you give me an outlook on a new story I'm preparing to write?  
  
Vincent: ...possibly.  
  
Kinneas: Good. It's about you, Tifa, and Cloud. A battle in the Gelnika  
  
Vincent: *visibly shudders* I did not like that... place. What do you plan to do to me?  
  
Kinneas: Oh, nothing major. Just kill you.  
  
Vincent: ....  
  
Kinneas: Don't worry, you'll come back. They're called Phoenix Downs. Duh.  
  
Vincent: ....  
  
Kinneas: Fine then! Be like that! See if I care.  
  
Vincent: May I leave now?  
  
Kinneas: Of course not!  
  
Vincent: I am departing. Right now.  
  
Kinneas: *grins evilly* Not if I can help it...  
  
(Shackles appear on Vincent's hands and he is chained to the wall)  
  
Vincent: Aaah! Let me go!  
  
Kinneas: Now for some fun...  
  
Vincent: *Gulp*   
  
  
~ ~ ~ ~  
  
  
Vincent: X_x  
  
Kinneas: Umm.. I had better go unshackle him before something bad happens...  
  
Vincent: *sprouts Chaos wings*  
  
Kinneas: AAAHH!!! *promptly runs off*   
  
  
~ ~ ~ ~  
  
  
Kinneas: *plays her clarinet to the stands music and messes up again*  
  
Vincent, still shackled: MAKE IT STOP!!! Kinneas, please! For my very sanity!!! Make it stop!!  
  
Kinneas: *is oblivious and continues playing*  
  
Vincent: I... can't... take.. it.... *faints again, head droops limply*  
  
Kinneas: Whoops.. Guess I'd better stop.  
  
*Cloud and Tifa walk in*  
  
Tifa: Oh My God! You killed Vincent!  
  
Cloud: You bastard!  
  
Kinneas: Umm... he's not dead but... Tifa, cover your ears.  
  
Tifa: *covers ears*  
  
Kinneas's clarinet: TOOOOOOOOOOOT!!  
  
Cloud faints and gets chained next to Vincent.  
  
Kinneas: Two down, four to go.   
  
  
~ ~ ~ ~  
  
  
Vincent and Cloud are still chained to the wall, unconscious, while Kinneas plays her clarinet again.  
  
Kinneas: Hmm... I must get my hands on the other four! I think two of them reside with Casey Crystal....   
  
.:In Casey Crystal's Account:.  
  
Kinneas: *POOF! appears*  
  
Elena: If you're looking for Casey, she's not here right now.   
  
Kinneas: I'm not looking for her! I want them! *points to Rufus and Reno* NOW!  
  
Rufus, pulling out shotgun: Don't come a step closer, or we'll have to dispose of you.  
  
Reno, aiming nightstick: You deranged woman!  
  
Kinneas: *whips out clarinet* TOOOOOOOT!!!  
  
All scream and fall unconscious, Kinneas drags Reno and Rufus back to her account.  
  
.:Kinneas's Account:.  
  
Kinneas: Now to contain you two!  
  
More chains appear on Reno and Rufus, putting them on the wall next to Cloud and Vincent  
  
Kinneas: Now only two more!!   
  
  
~ ~ ~ ~  
  
  
Elena: CASEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Casey: *runs in* What????  
  
Elena: Kinneas just came barging in here and.... and....  
  
Casey: And what?  
  
Elena: And.... *sobs* She, she took Reno and Rufus away! *bawls* She's collecting all of those lovable guys!  
  
Casey: *blinks, unmoving* Erm.... *turns around and heads off to find a weapon*   
  
Elena: Well, since Casey has left to go save Rufus and Reno from Kinneas, it seems she left her LJ unguarded! Which means..... I get to take over this entry!  
  
Zooky: Wuku! Wuku! I didn't know you were this power mad, Elena!  
  
Elena: *blinks and looks at the 3" monster sitting on the table* What the heck are you?  
  
Zooky: I'm the monster who lives in Casey's closet. Wuku!  
  
Elena: Great... so I'm stuck sharing an LJ with Rufus, Reno and now you?  
  
Zooky: *shrugs* Guess so. So what do you want to talk about?  
  
Elena: *crosses her arms* I don't know.... Wanna go throw a red shirt in Rufus's laundry basket?  
  
Zooky: YEAH! *the two run off with mischievous grins*   
  
  
~ ~ ~ ~  
  
  
Kinneas: Hmmm.... *looks at her collection of cute guys chained to the wall* I'm still missing Sephiroth and Zack.   
  
Kinneas props her feet up on a table, pondering over her bishonen's whereabouts.  
  
Kinneas: I know!!! *pulls out clarinet* Tifa Gainsborough's account!!   
  
She disappears  
  
.:TifaG's Account:.   
  
Kinneas: *POOF! Appears* I have come to take Zack!!  
  
TifaG: Kinneas?! Why do you want my muse?!  
  
Kinneas: For my complete collection of bishonen, of course. Now hand him over before I have to get nasty....  
  
TifaG: *grabs Zack* No!!! You can't have him!  
  
Zack: *gasp* I... can't… *gasp* breathe!  
  
Kinneas: THEN YOU SHALL FEEL MY WRATH!!!!  
  
Kinneas brings out her clarinet and plays a high "C", causing everyone to scream, then pass out. Despite TifaG's protests, she grabs Zack and drags him back to her account.  
  
.:Kinneas's Account:.  
  
Kinneas: I've waited a LONG time for you, Zacky-boy. Now join my collection!  
  
Zack is instantly chained to the wall beside Vincent.  
  
Kinneas: Now for Sephiroth....   
  
  
~ ~ ~ ~  
  
  
TifaG: *sobs* My muse! Kinneas stole my muse. It's so empty around here, without Zack to keep my company. Not even Cloud, Kinneas stole him too.   
  
TifaG: *wails*  
  
Yuffie: What's your problem?  
  
TifaG: *sniff* Kinneas stole Zack. Aerith: *pats TifaG on the back* There, there... we still have Cid.  
  
Cid: Oh I don't *#$&ing think so *bolts*  
  
TifaG: Well.... what should we do?  
  
Casey: *comes in with a roar* RUFUS!!!! RENO!!!  
  
TifaG: There, there Casey, she stole my Zack too....  
  
Casey: REVENGE!  
  
TifaG: Sounds like a good plan.  
  
Casey: RUFUS!!!  
  
TifaG: Whoa Casey, lay off on the Fujin.  
  
Casey: Sorry, got a little angry there. To Kinneas's LJ!  
  
*The two head off to get their boys back*   
  
  
~ ~ ~ ~  
  
  
Kinneas: Vincent, answer me this.  
  
Vincent: *is still passed out*  
  
Kinneas: Well damn.. I gotta go find someone I can torture. *looks at collection on the wall* OOH! Sephiroth!!! He's perfect!!  
  
Kinneas grabs her clarinet and in a cloud of smoke, she disappears  
  
.:Kat_Acylsm's Account:.  
  
Kinneas appears in yet another cloud of smoke.  
  
Kinneas: *looks around room* Hmm... Now where could he be?  
  
Sephiroth is sitting Indian style, meditating shirtless.  
  
Kinneas, drooling: He looks so sexy.... *snaps out of it* Sephiroth!! You're coming with me!!  
  
Sephiroth: *looks up* What? Kinneas! You're not welcome here!  
  
Kinneas: And why is that?!  
  
Odd voice: Because no one steals my Sephy!  
  
Odd voice walks out of the shadows, it's Kat_Aclysm!  
  
Kat: Don't get near him! He's mine! *pulls out Trapezium of Doom*  
  
Kinneas: HA! I SHALL FINISH MY COLLECTION!!! *whips out clarinet*  
  
Sephiroth and Kat: NOOOO!!!!  
  
Kinneas's clarinet: TOOOOOOOOOOOT!!!!  
  
All faint  
  
Kinneas drags Sephiroth, who is twitching, back to her account  
  
.:Kinneas's Account:.   
  
Kinneas: *douses Sephiroth with water* Wake up!  
  
Sephiroth: *opens his eyes* Where... where am I?! *stands up and looks at guys on the wall*  
  
Kinneas: In my Account. And you won't be leaving for a LONG while.  
  
Sephiroth, drawing Masamune: We'll see about that!  
  
Shackles appear on his hands, and he's thrown backward into the wall beside Zack.   
  
Kinneas: YAY!! My collection is complete!! LONG LIVE ME!!  
  
Kinneas plays her clarinet whilst the authors look for their stolen muses...   
  
  
~ ~ ~ ~  
  
  
TifaG: It's so silent without Zack.  
  
Tifa: We can keep you company.  
  
TifaG: It's not the same!  
  
Aerith: Here... a bald bishonen  
  
Rude: .......  
  
TifaG: *punt kicks Rude out of LJ* He doesn't talk.  
  
Kat_Aclysm: SEPHIROTH!!! *wails*  
  
Casey Crystal: RUFUS and RENO!!!!!! *sobs*  
  
TifaG: Well... at least the noise volume went up.  
  
*from far away the sound of a girl laughing and chains can be heard*  
  
All: KINNEAS!!!!   
  
  
~ ~ ~ ~  
  
  
Casey: I WANT RUFUS AND RENO BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!  
  
TifaG: And I want Zack back.  
  
Kat_Aclysm: SEPHIROTH!  
  
Elena: Then instead of sitting her and whining, why don't you go and save them?  
  
Casey, TifaG, Kat: *all look at each other*  
  
Elena: Ever think of that?  
  
Casey: *grabs her flute like a bat and stands up proudly* Let's get Kinneas!  
  
TifaG, Kat: YEAH!   
  
*the three run to Kinneas's LJ*  
  
Meanwhile....  
  
Kinneas: *still playing her clarinet* Hah! They're all mine! MINE! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  
  
Rufus: This is humiliating....  
  
Sephiroth: Tell me about it.  
  
Cloud: *scrunches his face up* I've an itch on my nose and I can't scratch it!  
  
Zack: Ever wonder why we always get caught up in these girls' odd lives?  
  
Reno: Now this is why we must remove their author powers before they cause anymore harm!  
  
Vincent: And I suggest we start with the crazy one.  
  
All other guys: *look at him*  
  
Vincent: *sighs* I meant Kinneas!  
  
Rufus: Good idea. One problem. We're still locked up! *sighs*  
  
Sephiroth: *hits his head on the wall*  
  
Cloud: What was that for?  
  
Sephiroth: *shrugs boredly*  
  
Kat_Aclysm: *swings the door open* KINNEAS!  
  
Kinneas: *looks up* Uh oh.  
  
Sephiroth: KAT! *girly scream* SAVE ME!  
  
TifaG: *walks in* Give us back our muses!  
  
Zack: Yay! Teef to the rescue!  
  
Casey: *walks in*  
  
Rufus and Reno: *silence*  
  
Casey: Hey.... that's not fair! You were supposed to miss me!  
  
Rufus and Reno: *shrugs*  
  
Kinneas: You can't stop me! *punt kicks everyone out of account*  
  
  
~ ~ ~ ~  
  
  
Kinneas: Hmm... So Sephiroth....  
  
Sephiroth: What do you want, you insane woman... *thrashes around in chains, accidentally kicking Zack*  
  
Zack: *jerks awake* Wha...? Sephiroth?! She got you too!  
  
Sephiroth, still kicking wildly: What do you want with us?  
  
Kinneas: Oh, nothing really. You're just part of my collection now... Hmm... I don't like this order. Sephiroth, switch with Zack.  
  
Sephiroth: I am not a display item! Release me now!  
  
In a flash, Sephiroth and Zack have switch places. The order is: Reno, Rufus, Cloud, Vincent, Sephiroth, and Zack.  
  
Kinneas: Now I shall torture you all...  
  
Sephiroth, still thrashing wildly: LET ME GO!!!  
  
Kinneas: NO! And don't kick Vincent! Imprisonment has taken its toll on the poor guy.  
  
Sephiroth: I will do whatever I please, insane person!  
  
Kinneas: DON'T CALL ME THAT!  
  
Sephiroth: LET ME GO!  
  
Kinneas: NO!  
  
Zack: Will you two just shut up?!  
  
Sephiroth and Kinneas: NO!  
  
Kinneas, exasperated: Sephiroth, why can't you just be GOOD like the other five?  
  
Sephiroth: BECAUSE I'VE BEEN LOCKED IN CHAINS BY A MENTALLY UNSTABLE PERSON!!!  
  
Kinneas, calmer: Sephiroth, if you don't shut up, I will make you! *pulls out clarinet*  
  
Sephiroth: *whimpers* No.. no! Anything but that!  
  
Kinneas: *raises clarinet to lips*  
  
Sephiroth: KAAAAATTTT!!!!!!  
  
Zack: TIIIIIIIFFFAAAAA!!!  
  
Clarinet playing ensues, along with Zack and Sephiroth's screaming.  
  
  
~ ~ ~ ~  
  
  
TifaG, from her account: I've hit a serious slump and he is needed for the last chapter of "Fate" and to get there.... I actually have to write the fourth chapter. *stares at a picture of her muse longingly* Come back! Tifa needs you.....  
  
Kinneas, from her account: Hmm... You have visiting rights. Mainly because I like "Fate" a lot.   
  
Zack: HELP M-   
  
Kinneas: *holds clarinet to his ear* I wouldn't do it....   
  
Zack: Damn..   
  
Vincent: Kinneas, please!   
  
Reno: Let us out!   
  
Sephiroth: ... *passes out*   
  
Kinneas: I'll think about it.   
  
Rufus: You can think?   
  
Kinneas: Just for that, you're not going free!   
  
All: *glare at Rufus*  
  
TifaG: *bounces in like a hippie on speed*   
  
Zack: Teef! Are you here to save me?   
  
TifaG: Just visiting rights. But I have connections.... *giggles insanely*   
  
Sephiroth: Are you here to visit me too?   
  
TifaG: Just Zack.   
  
Sephiroth: Wha..... *yells and kicks*   
  
*Leaving Kinneas to deal with Sephiroth TifaG holds a whisper conversation with Zack*   
  
Zack: YOUR GONNA DO WHAT!!!!   
  
*TifaG whaps Zack over the head and the conversation continues.*   
  
Kinneas: Time's up!   
  
TifaG: You be good to them... I have my accordion of dread.   
  
Zack: You have a what? When did you get that? And how come you never let me play with it?   
  
*TifaG shrugs and heads off to write more of Fate*   
  
Zack: And there she goes....   
  
*Kinneas pulls out clarinet and everybody screams*   
  
TifaG: *from far away* I can't bear to watch.....  
  
Kinneas: *plays insanely on her clarinet*   
  
All: *screaming loudly* STOPPPPPP!!!!   
  
Kinneas: *stops* What's wrong?   
  
Rufus: Erghl... *passes out*   
  
Kinneas: *lightbulb suddenly shines in head* TIFA G! WHAT ARE YOU PLANNING TO DO?!  
  
Casey Crystal: Hey Kinny! Do I visiting rights too? *runs up to Rufus*   
  
Kinneas: DON'T CALL ME KINNY! *blasts Casey with the clarinet and Casey's knocked out cold*  
  
  
  
~ ~ ~ ~  
  
  
Kinneas, in the cafeteria with Daisy Grey: Hmm. I'm considering ending the muse war and letting them all go back to their respective owners.   
  
Daisy: WHY?! Power is good!  
  
Courtney Cox walks by.  
  
Courtney: Vote for me for Treasurer!  
  
Daisy: Vote for me for Prime Minister!  
  
Kinneas: Supreme-Dictator-And-Ruler-Of-All-Muses here!  
  
Daisy: So, Emmy. Can you take me to the muses?  
  
Kinneas: Sure! *POOF they disappear*  
  
.:Inside a Cell Phone:.  
  
Kinneas: Whoops.. wrong place...  
  
Daisy: Yep...  
  
*POOF*  
  
.:Kinneas's Account:.  
  
Cloud and Rufus: Mmmf!  
  
Zack: She's back!  
  
Reno: God help us all...  
  
Daisy: So THESE are the muses... OooooOOOOooooOOOO...  
  
Kinneas: Yep! I think you'll recognize them all.  
  
Sephiroth, thrashing wildly: I WANT OUT! No one imprisons the great Sephiroth! *accidentally kicks Vincent*  
  
Vincent: *jerks awake* Hunnh? ...!  
  
Sephiroth: Dammit I want out!  
  
Vincent: As do I!  
  
All: YEAH!  
  
Daisy: Jeez, Emelia, what do you DO to them?  
  
Kinneas: *pulls out clarinet*  
  
Daisy: Ohhh...  
  
Rufus: Mmmmmmf!  
  
Kinneas takes sock out of Rufus's mouth and Kleenex out of Cloud's mouth.  
  
Rufus: Please, new girl...  
  
Cloud: Set us free!  
  
Daisy: MUAHAHAHA!!! *pulls out her own clarinet*   
  
All: *scream*  
  
Kinneas: You know Zack... I have no use for you anymore.  
  
Zack: You mean you...you don't want me anymore?  
  
Kinneas: Nope!  
  
Zack, looking hopeful: YAY! So I can leave?!  
  
Kinneas: Nope!  
  
Zack: *groans*  
  
Daisy and Kinneas: MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! *practice their clarinets in semi-unison for Homecoming*  
  
Far, FAR away, Tifa Gainsborough, Kat_Aclysm, and Casey Crystal are weeping for their stolen bishonens/muses...  
  
  
~ ~ ~ ~  
  
  
TifaG: I'm so happy! I wrote a yaoi implying Zack/Cloud! Since Zack isn't here….  
  
Aerith: But I'm still here!  
  
TifaG: Oh... shit.  
  
Aerith: *has acquired a pot* You are a devote Aerith/Zack fan! How dare you write Cloud/Zack!  
  
TifaG: But they are cute!  
  
Tifa: That's my man you are talking about.  
  
TifaG: How many seconds head start do I get?  
  
Aerith: Run... run fast and far away!  
  
*TifaG bolts to Kinneas' LJ to hide with her and that clarinet*  
  
Kinneas: TifaG? What are you doing here, you can't have them back!  
  
TifaG: Protect me.... Aerith and Tifa are on the war path.  
  
Zack: What did you do?  
  
TifaG: Shounen-ai Cloud/Zack story.  
  
*Silence fills the LJ*  
  
TifaG: Uh... I'm just gonna go hang out in Kat's LJ now. *runs*   
  
  
~ ~ ~ ~  
  
  
Daisy Grey and Kinneas retreat from Homecoming…  
  
Daisy: AAAAAA-  
  
Kinneas: I think I went deaf back there,  
  
Daisy: AAAAAAAAAA-  
  
Kinneas: my feet hurt,  
  
Daisy: AAAAAAAA-  
  
Kinneas: AND WE REALLY SUCKED!  
  
Daisy: AAAAAH!  
  
Vincent: Would you mind refraining from the erratic screaming?  
  
Reno: Yeah, man! Knock it off!  
  
Sephiroth: Desist.  
  
Rufus: Cease.  
  
Cloud: St-  
  
Daisy and Kinneas: WE GET THE POINT!  
  
Cloud: Good!  
  
Kinneas: We really did sound bad, though. But guess what!  
  
All: *groan* What now…  
  
Daisy: *holds up sparkly red marble-looking thingy*  
  
Kinneas: We have a new summon! Cookeville Marching Band! Now you can hear what we all sound like!  
  
All, screaming: NO!!!!!  
  
Daisy: Great Purging!  
  
Sky grows dark, clouds swirling ominously above. A great gale of wind howls across the sky, blowing clouds askew. A metal glimmer shimmers… Suddenly the extremely flat and squeaking CHS Fight Song begins playing. A band of geeks and delinquents descends from the sky, being wildly conducted by a director with a shoe in his hand. They gradually get faster and faster, and laugh in amusement as the director's face goes from =D to =| to =( to 8( in three seconds flat.  
  
Daisy and Kinneas: *go and sit in stands with the rest and play "Louie Louie" with them.  
  
All: NOOOOOOOOO!!!!  
  
  
  
  
~To Be Continued~  
  
  
(A/N: I'll post more as we continue our great fight!!!) 


	2. A torture session.

(A/N: A recent IM I had with Arcadia Silver and Kat_Aclysm. I almost have enough material for a BIG chapter, though. Regular disclaimers. Blah blah blah.)  
  
  
Arcadia Silver appears in the LJ...  
  
AS: So Kinneas, played the clarinet lately?  
  
Kinneas: Yep!  
  
Sephiroth: And we have to sit here and watch her.  
  
Kinneas: Oh shut up.  
  
Vivi: I don't care...as long as she stays away from the sugar...  
  
Zidane: yeah...Arcadia on a sugar rush..**cringes**  
Vincent: _  
  
AS: Oh please...I remember when you found my kool-aid clumps...I never saw my dog again...and the next door neighbors are convinced that both of you are from some obscure mid-eastern country...  
  
Zidane: ...this coming from someone who played the entire Linkin Park CD at three AM .....on a SUNDAY NIGHT!!!  
  
Cloud: Kinneas did that before!!!!  
  
Zack: Right now she's listening to Mystikal on top volume  
  
Sephiroth: Make the incessant noise STOP!  
  
Vivi: And that time she tortured us with **cringes**....POP MUSIC!!!   
  
All: Ewwwwwww  
  
Vivi: Make them stop...please...I can't stand NSYNC!!! AHHH!!!! ***flames the band from Hades with a well aimed Flare**.......oops....  
  
AS: **glomps Vivi *** Thank you!!!  
  
Zidane:.........She hates NSYNC......can't you tell??  
  
Kinneas: Yep.  
  
Sephiroth: My hatred for them is worse than the failure.  
  
Cloud: I am NOT a failure!  
  
Zidane:.....haha!! Did anyone tell you that you look like Kuja??  
  
Kuja: **walks in ** What?? Who called my name?? I'm busy trying to spilt the Genome genome.....  
  
Sephiroth: Hmph. Kuja just looks like ME. I came first.  
  
Kuja:...**glares at Sephiroth**...hardly...when I attacked the Crystal...I became aware of the history of the universe...I came thousands of years before you....  
  
Kuja:....and MUCH better looking...  
  
AS: **sweatdrop**...Kuja...go home....  
  
Kuja: What??? It's true!!  
  
AS: **brandishes broomstick handle**........leave.....now...before I take drastic measures...  
  
Sephiroth: *shaking in his chains* KINNEAS! LET ME FREE SO I CAN MUTILATE HIM WITH A TACK!!!!!  
  
Vivi:.....he yells like Steiner....  
  
Zidane:...no, Steiner has a much higher pitched voice...  
  
Sephiroth: *growls*  
  
Vivi:...I've heard Dagger make that sound...on her....what is it again??  
  
Zidane:...later Vivi....  
  
All: Ew.  
  
Kinneas: *looks up* Riiiiight... *goes back to AS's Eminem parody*  
  
  
Kuja: Heh...this clone of me is obviously inferior...he can't even break simple metal bonds..... **shrugs**...what do I expect? I'm perfect....  
  
Zidane: **gag**....  
  
Kinneas: They're my unbreakable chains. Wanna see if YOU can break them?  
  
Kuja:.....**looks at Kinneas**..........  
  
AS: Please do....I can't keep him away from my account....  
  
Zidane:...and if he lays another hand of Dagger.....**growls**  
  
Kinneas: YAY! *chains appear on Kuja's hand as he's thrown onto the end of the line with Sephiroth*  
  
Kuja: NO!  
  
Sephiroth: Did you HAVE to put him near me??  
  
AS: **shakes Kinneas's hand**...thank you....maybe I'll have some peace around my account...  
  
Kinneas: Sorry... I don't want him next to Reno. Casey'll get pissed.  
  
Sephiroth:.....gee...don't want to upset Mrs. Casey now do we??  
  
Kinneas: Nope. She has a Flute of Death.  
  
AS: May I suggest something??  
  
Kinneas: And what would that be?  
  
AS: Watch....**snaps fingers as a piece of HTML-Duck Tape appears over both Kuja and Sephiroth's mouths**  
  
Sephiroth and Kuja: = x  
  
Kinneas: Duct tape always fixes everything  
  
Sephiroth: *kicks Kuja* Mmmmf!  
  
Kinneas: Be good or I'll take your armor...  
  
AS: yeah......I'll take your Maybelline, Kuja ....  
Arcadia Silver (Smells Like Teen Spirit) says:  
Kuja: O.O.....  
  
Kinneas: You know what? I'll do that anyway! *walks over to petrified Sephiroth*  
  
Sephiroth: N-no!!!  
  
AS: **grins in amusement**  
  
Kinneas: *yanks off his armor, leaving him shirtless* Now you can be cold and hot at the same time!  
  
Zidane: poor guy......I feel sorry for him....sort of...  
  
Vivi:...No where did I put hose??  
  
AS: What are you doing??  
  
Sephiroth: Leave me alone... *shivers*  
  
Vivi:...my marshmellows....I'm hungry....now where are they?? **Reaches into bag...throws out the following...cell phone...High Mage Staff......leather hat....**  
  
Sephiroth: *backs against the wall* Help me!  
  
Vivi: **old Chinese take out box.....bag of gummy worms....another cell phone...**  
  
Kat walks in...  
  
Sephiroth: Kat! Help me!   
  
Vivi: **toy piano.......metal bucket.....paint brush........world map...small dagger.....**  
  
Kat: AAH, YOURE RAIDING HIM NOW!?  
  
Vivi: **blueberry pie.....kitchen sink.......the faucet to the kitchen sink......**  
  
Kat: LEAVE SEPHIROTH ALONE!!!!!  
  
Kinneas: Vivi's just looking for something in his bag.  
  
Kat: NO  
  
Kat: NO  
  
Vivi: ..now I know I put some marshmellows somewhere...  
  
Kat: NO  
  
Kat: NO  
  
Kat: NO  
  
Kat: NO  
  
Kat: NO  
  
Kat: NO  
  
Kat: NO  
  
Kat: NO  
  
Kat: LEAVE HIM ALONE!!!  
  
Sephiroth: Mmmmf!  
  
Vivi: **ear plugs......swimsuit.....picture of Tifa and Aeris in swimsuits....** Man...I remember that summer...**hugs photo and puts it back.**  
  
Reno:....Lockheart??...let me see!  
  
Cloud: Me too...!  
  
Rufus: Ooh!  
  
Sephiroth: Mmmmf....  
  
Zack: Aeris???....ohh...gimme...  
  
AS: **snaps fingers and Sephiroth's tape is gone...but Kuja is still taped**  
  
Sephiroth: LET ME GO! LET ME GO NOW! I SWEAR IF YOU DON'T I'LL---*tape reappears*  
  
Sephiroth: MMMF!  
  
Cloud:......Tifa.....Aeris....suits....when did this happen??  
  
Vivi:.....summer vacation....Acapulco.....  
  
Vincent: Moving along...  
  
AS: Vivi, please put the photo back.......**picks up photo**...is that Lucrecia?? Jeez...that's no suit...that's an eye patch...  
  
Vincent: What?!  
  
All: **sweatdrop**....  
  
AS: **puts picture back in bag**....enough of that...  
  
Cloud: I guess vampire-boy has hormones after all...  
  
Vincent: Hmph.  
  
Vivi:....but where are my marshmellows??  
  
Zidane: **mouth full**..whi marjuos???  
  
Vivi: MY MARSHMELLOWS!  
  
Kinneas: Be right back. *winks at Sephiroth and walks out*  
  
AS: **watches her go**..hehe....**whips out a piece of paper and writes on it, places it on Sephiroth's forehead**....my e-mail...  
  
Kinneas: Back.  
  
AS: **sees her** oops!! **takes it back**  
  
Sephiroth: Mmmf....  
  
AS: Umm....  
  
AS: What possessed you to steal these guys in the beginning??  
  
Kinneas: *points to shirtless and shivering Sephiroth* They're cute and I have a twisted sense of humor.  
  
AS: Ahh...good to see I'm not alone on that point....**grins at the shirtless Sephiroth*....But I like my muses...**points to Zidane and Vivi...** though I have to hire help to keep them in line sometimes...  
  
Kinneas: I loved FF9, but 7 has Reno, Rufus, Zack, Vincent, Cloud, and Sephiroth ^_^  
  
AS: .....but Vivi beats them in just absolute adorable-ness...  
  
Kinneas: True, true. And as you can see if you read my angst, I have a love for the storyline of FFVII.  
  
AS: but FF7 beats FF9 in drop your-your-jaws-hot-looking-tight-assed-Adonis-looking Bishonen...  
  
Kinneas: lol  
  
AS: . well, it's true....**takes out feather**....wanna bet I can make Sephiroth laugh??  
  
Kinneas: Yep!  
  
Sephiroth: MMMF!  
  
AS: okay....**walks to Sephiroth**...tickle tickle tickle...**waves feather under his chin**  
  
Sephiroth: *glares and starts to laugh as much as a gagged guy can*  
  
Sephiroth: MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!  
  
AS: Hehehe......so you can laugh?? **tickles his bare abs..**drool**  
  
Sephiroth: *laughs and glares*  
  
AS: Hehe....can I try to others??  
  
Kinneas: Sure!!!!  
  
AS: **snaps fingers and all the guys are shirtless**....**DROOL!!**  
  
All: AAH!  
  
AS: **gives Kinneas a feather**...wanna try too??  
  
Kinneas: *looks over at Vincent *drool** He'll be a challenge...  
  
AS: Hmm...I like challenges...**waves her own feather**...shall we?..Wanna join Kat??  
  
Kinneas: ^_^  
  
Kat: !!!!  
  
Kat: NO! You're going to be mean!!  
  
AS: **waves feather duster...made of what looks like Chocobo feathers...** I got plenty of them!! Awww....come on....have some fun...  
  
Kinneas: Yeah! *tickles Vincent with the feather duster* It's fun!  
  
Vincent: ST-*duct tape appears on his mouth*  
  
AS: **tickles Zack in his underarms**...come on...now laugh!!  
  
Zack: *Laughs insanely*  
  
AS: **glances at Reno**....Turkey....be ready to laugh...  
  
Reno: I'm not getting paid enough for this!!  
  
Kinneas: TAPE TIME *snaps fingers and tape appears on all of their mouths*  
  
AS: **tickles him**.....Like I care....now laugh Turkey!!!  
  
Reno: Mmmf!  
  
AS: **looks at Rufus**...okay Mr. High and Mighty......your turn..  
  
Rufus:...I can pay you money...  
  
Rufus: *gets slapped with tape*  
  
AS: *takes off tape*  
  
Rufus:...**looks pale as Arcadia closes in**......hehe...HEY!! I got an idea!  
  
AS: **snaps fingers and feathers fly from the duster and position themselves before each guy** Why do one at a time?? All of them at once...  
  
All: MMMMMMMF!  
  
AS: **snaps fingers and the feathers go to work** Ahh..this is entertainment.....**Three chairs appear, and popcorn in Arcadia's hands. She sits down in one**...take a seat...**offers the popcorn**...want some?  
  
Kinneas: Thanks! *sits and watches bishonens laugh insanely* Nah.. just ate pizza.  
  
AS: Okay then **watches as she pops Chocolate-covered popcorn in her mouth**.......hmmm....should we increase the torture??  
  
Kinneas: Sure!  
  
AS: **parkas wrap around them as all three Shivas, from each FF, appear and start casting Diamond Dust on the guys**...  
  
Kinneas: Ooh.... *watches Cloud, Sephiroth, and Vincent shiver*  
  
AS: Hehe....**watches as they alternate between laughing and shivering**  
  
Kinneas: Okay no more diamond dust... they'll get pneumonia.  
  
AS: alright...call it a night girls!!  
  
**the three Shiva's disappear**  
  
Kinneas: *takes tape off of everyone's mouth but Sephiroth and Kuja*  
  
Cloud: Oh... my... God...  
  
AS: What??  
  
Vincent, looking traumatized: .....  
  
Reno: COLD!!!!  
  
Sephiroth: *looks down his nose at the icicles that are hanging from the tip of his nose*  
  
AS: Ya think they're cold??  
  
Kinneas: Yep...*throws a blanket on them*  
  
Sephiroth:...nose....I can't feel my nose.....  
  
Kinneas: *sits between shirtless Vincent and Sephiroth* Well... Umm... Fire 1!  
  
Vincent and Sephiroth immediately become considerately warmer.   
  
  
  
  
(A/N: Yes, it is quite weird. Get over it. If you want to be inserted, email me. ^_^) 


End file.
